NEWS ANCHOR, TED EXPECTANT: IT'S THE TENTH anniversary of the 9/11 attacks on New York and Washington by terrorist group Al Quaeda. Security has been raised to its highest level in major locations around the US as intelligence experts predict the likelihood of a 'anniversary' repeat attack. We have our camera crews and reporters in airports and major city centres around the country to be the first to bring you news of of any attacks that might take place. Donna is in New York, near Ground Zero. Can you tell us what's happening there Donna?
DONNA: Well, it's just an ordinary Saturday evening here, Ted, with tourists going to theatres and the usual hustle and bustle of a normal major city.
TED: That's fantastic, Donna. What's the security like?
DONNA: Well, there are policemen in patrol cars, just like usual, but they're stuck in the traffic jams like everyone else. Apart from that, everything seems to be quite laid back and relaxed.
TED: That's incredible, Donna. So have there been any arrests or on-the-spot searches?
DONNA: No, Ted. Although there was a little bit of excitement about an hour ago in Times Square.
TED: What? Really? A human bomb? A car full of explosives? A hostage situation?
DONNA: No, Ted. They had to move a wino along because he was obstructing pedestrian traffic.
TED: Wow, how extraordinary, Donna but we're going to have leave you there because we're just getting reports in of an incident in Washington. We're taking you straight there now to talk to Cliff Falling. What terrible atrocity has occurred, Cliff, and how many thousands of people are dead?
CLIFF: Well, Ted, fortunately, none of those things has happened. It's just that a cat has been stuck up a tree outside the Melvin Gelman Library on H Street NW and the traffic has been stopped while fireman rescue it.
TED: Amazing, Cliff. How many people have been injured?
CLIFF: Well, none so far, Ted, but the fireman is still precariously scaling the tree and the cat is quite high up.
TED: Frightening stuff, Cliff. Keep us updated. In the meantime, you, the viewer can keep us informed on what terrorist activity you think you have spotted in your neighbourhood by sending in your texts and emails. But wait! We're taking you straight away LIVE to Seatlle where we have reports of an airliner swooping down towards the city. Steve Lipsweat in Seattle!
STEVE: Oh my God! This is so awful! You can see what our cameraman is seeing – that dark shape swooping in from the sky to the bustling metropolis of Seattle. The crew can just look helplessly on as they await what is bound to be a massive inferno and thousands of deaths. OH MY GOD! NO!!
TED: STEVE! You're breaking up. Can you try to tell us what is happening and the full scale of the tragedy?
STEVE: It was just a small moth in the camera lens. Sorry.
TED: Well, that's great, Steve! We're so relieved not to have to broadcast news of national tragedy to the nation on the anniversary of the worse terrorist atrocity ever. So far, no buildings have been blown up, no innocent civilians in their thousands have been trapped and burned by flaming debris and we won't be able to endlessly show you amazing footage of men and women jumping from towering infernos. Well, I suppose we better go over to Sally for Showbiz news.
SALLY: Jennifer Aniston has changed her hair-do again . . .