STOP PRESS: 306 MPs DECIDE WHETHER 62MILLION PEOPLE WANT TO ENTER EURO
Thursday, February 23, 12:18 am
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WHAT A BRILLIANT idea! What does the man who only works on December 24th get up to for the rest of the year? Advertising agency copywriter (and gifted cartoonist) Dave Cornmell has let his fevered imagination run around this topic and come up with a bizarre selection of episodes from Santa's life. Apparently, because...
CRAG THUNDER, the world-famous survivalist and the man who once called Bear Grylls 'a girl', is facing the toughest challenge of his career. Having climbed Mount Everest single-handed TWICE and swum the length of the Amazon while dressed as Biffo the Bear, Crag came to international prominence when he jumped off the Eiffel Tower,...
THE HOUSE OF COMMONS was rocked by allegations about a politician who is suspected of telling the truth on at least one occasion. "A disgrace to our noble vocation" – Tony Blair "I hope he didn't inhale" – Bill Clinton "You couldn't make it up" – Jeffrey Archer "I'm turning in my grave"- Richard...
SORRY, THE DAILY MAIL misheard. That should read NOT GUILTY!
ON THE HOTTEST October day since records began Tesco predicted it would sell 3.5million sausages, 550,000 burgers and 500,000 tubs of ice cream over the weekend. And that's just in Lord Prescott and Eric Pickles' neighbourhood.
SPORTS FROM THE BULL THE CURRENT RUGBY world cup has been very enjoyable with matches conveniently broadcast from New Zealand at 7 and 9 a.m, allowing coffee, eggs and bacon to be consumed and the needs of your family totally ignored. One feature has been the respect for national anthems (even the English) and...
NICOLAS BENT TO pick a buttercup and handed it to Carla. Carla's heart fluttered as his fingertips touched hers. "These, my dear," said Nicoals Sarkozy, pointing to some shrubbery, "are roses tremières and those are ornithogala pyramidales." Carla's legs turned to jelly. "Blimey!" she thought in her native cockney accent which she so cunningly...
THE LATEST COMEDY double act to hit the screens has taken the nation by storm with "Two Eds Are Better Than One" blowing away audiences in Liverpool. Playing to rapturous applause from an admittedly partisan audience, Ed Miliband, the tall, ahem, good looking one without glasses joshes and banters with his straight man, the...
HOLLYWOOD ACTOR and legendary hell-raiser, Charlie Sheen has worried his friends with his increasingly erratic behaviour. Sheen's routine normally includes regular alcohol and drug abuse, marital problems and alleged domestic violence. "We're used to seeing televisions coming flying through his front windows and drug dealers arriving and leaving at all hours of day and...
AT THE PREMIERE of I Don't Know How She Does It starring Sarah Jessica Parker and Christina Hendricks, rumour was rife that that the two main stars of the film were contenders for Golden Globes. Cartoonist Simon Ellinas
NOT TO BE OUTDONE by the Conservative Chancellor George Osborne, Labour leader Ed Milliband received a whipping from several hundred members of the Trades Union Congress in London earlier this week. Cartoonist and caricaturist Simon Ellinas.
LEFT: SOME nice flowers instead of the usual Twin Towers pic which we were lazy enough to include in an earlier edit which we now realise committed the same sins of the media we are lampooning below. NEWS ANCHOR, TED EXPECTANT: IT'S THE TENTH anniversary of the 9/11 attacks on New York and Washington...
NASA TRIUMPHANTLY RELEASED some photos today to dispel the myths that the Apollo moon landings had been faked in a Hollywood film set. NASA's Lunar Reconnaisance Orbiter (LRO) has taken photographs that clearly show footprints, markings from the tracks of the lunar buggy and spacecraft scorch marks on the surface of the moon. Research...
THE FORMER LABOUR Chancellor has released his memoirs to disclose several shocking revelations about Gordon Brown's administration as Prime Minister: 1) He failed to grasp the seriousness of the recession 2) There was an atmosphere of crisis and chaos 3) The Pope is Catholic 4) Bears shit in the woods 5) The sky is...
Cartoonist
Eat more and exercise less, says government
THAT'S WHAT fat people do according to government health spokesperson Brian Box, pictured left. "Studies have shown that people who eat more are fatter than people who eat less," Mr Box said at a taxpayer-subsidised conference on Fat People and What They Should Do. "Also, people who get up out of their armchairs once...
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