STOP PRESS: 306 MPs DECIDE WHETHER 62MILLION PEOPLE WANT TO ENTER EURO
Monday, May 21, 5:15 pm
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TONY BLAIR IS the bastard who gave politics spin and made politicians almost trendy. He was always charming and smiling, ever ready to yank his tie off, ditch his jacket and roll up his shirtsleeves ready to get down and dirty when things got busy and there where plenty of cameras about. For Tony...
THE HOUSE OF COMMONS was rocked by allegations about a politician who is suspected of telling the truth on at least one occasion. "A disgrace to our noble vocation" – Tony Blair "I hope he didn't inhale" – Bill Clinton "You couldn't make it up" – Jeffrey Archer "I'm turning in my grave"- Richard...
IN AN ACT of defiance following his recent Court appearances, the Guv of the Bank of England, Ronnie King together with his twin brother Reg have thrown caution to the wind, along with £75 billion of other people's money. Speaking at a news conference at the Blind Beggar venue in London's fashionable Whitechapel, a...
AT THE CONSERVATIVE Party conference in Manchester, our visionary Prime Minister amazed party colleagues and journalists alike by pledging to clear all the credit card debts of UK residents. To universal acclaim Cameron confirmed that the UK is also pulling out of Afganistan and Iraq, doing away with nuclear weapons, and finally ditching the...
OUR CONFERENCE CORRESPONDENT WRITES: IN A BLISTERING attack on the rest of the World, the Home Secretary, Theresa May, told the Tory Party Conference today that nobody other than thoroughbred British people have any right to a family life in a free society. "How can anyone who is not completely British possibly merit a...
SPORTS FROM THE BULL WELL IT CAME to pass just as I predicted. The brave Scottish hordes threw themselves at England like there was no tomorrow, missed two great chances to score tries when the funny shaped ball did what a funny shaped ball is supposed to do: bounce around like a demented squirrel...
SCOTTISH BOOZE CRISIS: Salmon Addresses the Nation MY FELLOW SCOTS, I am speaking to you at a grave time. Our Proud Nation is smitten by a tidal wave of cheap Sassenach booze which is sapping the very lifeblood of our economy. We Scots are proud of our fine traditions especially our fearless consumption...
NICOLAS BENT TO pick a buttercup and handed it to Carla. Carla's heart fluttered as his fingertips touched hers. "These, my dear," said Nicoals Sarkozy, pointing to some shrubbery, "are roses tremières and those are ornithogala pyramidales." Carla's legs turned to jelly. "Blimey!" she thought in her native cockney accent which she so cunningly...
THE LATEST COMEDY double act to hit the screens has taken the nation by storm with "Two Eds Are Better Than One" blowing away audiences in Liverpool. Playing to rapturous applause from an admittedly partisan audience, Ed Miliband, the tall, ahem, good looking one without glasses joshes and banters with his straight man, the...
MEDICALSCIENCE WAS dumbfounded recently when an X-ray revealed what appears to be a human brain in Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi's penis. The search for Berlusconi's brain had been going on for some years but it was only recently that Doctors could conclusively end their search. "We were tipped off after the news that...
NOT TO BE OUTDONE by the Conservative Chancellor George Osborne, Labour leader Ed Milliband received a whipping from several hundred members of the Trades Union Congress in London earlier this week. Cartoonist and caricaturist Simon Ellinas.
LEFT: SOME nice flowers instead of the usual Twin Towers pic which we were lazy enough to include in an earlier edit which we now realise committed the same sins of the media we are lampooning below. NEWS ANCHOR, TED EXPECTANT: IT'S THE TENTH anniversary of the 9/11 attacks on New York and Washington...
Cartoonist
Muammar Gaddafi 1942-2011 R.I.H.
THE DEATH HAS been announced of Corporal Muammar Gaddafi who died peacefully after a lifetime of service to his people which was conducted with his characteristic brand of honour and dignity. He was only 38, but, worn down by the responsibilities of providing generous welfare benefits for his subjects, he resembled a nonagenarian. A...
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