Boris Blog – The Recession is over!
WELL, THAT’S THAT! We can crack open the Cava and spray each other like a triumvirate of F1 tax exiles prancing about on a podium. The recession, it seems, is over. Yes, my friends, it appears that the economy – whatever that was – has enlarged by a piddling nought-point-nought-piffling-one percent & that, yet again, Flash Gordon, the Man Who Saved The World, has Saved The Country.
According to the spiel emanating from the Downing Street Podcast the good times are well & truly back. The bankers have returned their snouts to the trough &, even as I write, are pocketing vast tranches of money printed by the Old Dame of Threadneedle Street & hoofing it to Switzerland to dodge the Darling windfall tax.
Yes, my hearties, it seems that, far from helping the struggling little businessman with a timely loan, those newly minted fivers are being turned into Swiss francs faster than our ex-entrepreneurs can say “Buy the Big Issue!” Ye Gods & little fishes! I hadn’t realised that the whole point of saddling our great-great-grandchildren with debt was to boost cuckoo clock production around the shores of Lake Geneva! Meanwhile, back in Blighty, we are daily faced with the sight of your honest British costermonger vainly begging his flinty-hearted b. manager to lend him the odd monkey to stop him having his two-up-two-down repossessed & his spouse & sprogs forced onto the game.
I tell you truly, it all moistens the manly Johnson eye with tears of outrage.
I mean, it’s all getting a bit Tale of Two Cities, don’t you think? The ancien regime frolics on the lawns of Versailles yelping “Let them snort coke!” while outside the mob starts milling around the Bastille, practising its baying & eyeing the architecture up for some point of easy ingress. Make no mistake, my friends, the electoral tumbrels are rolling towards May 6th. The guillotine blades of popular opinion are being sharpened to the point where the burly executioner can test them with his thumb & go “Ouch!” Oh, yes! If there’s any justice in the world, far sooner than he thinks, the former Chancellor of the Exchequer will find himself well & truly ex-Chequers!