Writing by Simon Ellinas
Cartoons and caricatures by Paul Baker
Caricatures by Paul Baker
Colours and Words by Simon Ellinas
CHILCOTT: Did you do anything wrong?
BLAIR: No.
CHILCOTT: I think that concludes our business here, gentlemen.
Archive, issue 3, March 1995
“What a wonderful idea!” – Miles Kington
“It’s funnier than Squib was.” – Tony Husband, cartoonist and former editor of Oink!
“Brilliant effort!” – Steve Way, ex-cartoon editor of Punch
“No” (in answer to four out of six questions on our questionnaire) – John Brown, publisher of Viz (so we must be doing something [...]
Archive, issue 2, Jan 1995
WHY -OH-WHY do supermarkets use superglue to label their fruit?
WHY-OH-WHY do insurance salesman ring you up for ‘a little chat’ and then go on to try to sell you insurance?
WHY-OH-WHY is pornographic,lewd, sexist, racist and totally puerile humour classed as ‘adult’?
WHY-OH-WHY doesn’t the man on the Clapham omnibus get off?
WHY-OH-WHY doesn’t [...]
Archive, amended from issue 2, Jan 1995
PARIS. A HISTORIC court action was started here this week. The plaintiffs are the French Association of Clowns who are accusing the defendants, Banana Skins of flasely masquerading as a comic device.
René Pou-Pou, the clowns’ spokesman explained:
“Eets incroyable. Pour trop longtemps ze skins de bananes avez a comic reputation [...]
St. Just-le-Martel – 28 Glorious Years!
CARTOONS, CARICATURES AND cartooning have yet to be elevated to the status of ‘artform’ by the Arts Council in the UK. And perhaps this is a national attitude reflected in the difficulty of establishing a regular celebratory festival of the art (I’m going to use the term just to spite [...]
ARCHIVE: Amended from Issue 2, January 1995
LONDON ZOO IS a good place to go if you want to look at animals. But then so are the Houses of Parliament or any tube train in the rush hour.
A visit to the zoo always raises suspicions that the animals are also looking at us.
Recently a crowd of [...]
ARCHIVE: amended from Issue 2, January 1995
WOODY ALLEN’S fame for extracting humour from the serious side of life is well-known. And in many of his films, humour is noticeably absent as he mines the darkest recesses of the human psyche and relationships.
So, a return to his earlier work, at a time when he was writing [...]
ARCHIVE. Amended from original in issue 2, January 1995.
STRANGE-BUT-TRUE department: It appears that the world famous dance practiced in homes throughout Kilburn, the Hokey Cokey, has intersting origins.
Back in Reformation times, the jesters and satirists otherwise known as Protestants made up the dance to mock the Roman Catholics’ communion rites. The myriad movements, twists and [...]
ARCHIVE. Amended from original in issue 2, January 1995.
AN ILL-JUDGED household tip on a TV home improvements show was blamed for the sudden wholesale destruction of thousands of the country’s toilets. Toilets in shops suffered a sudden retail destruction.
The programme’s suggested solution to nasty smells left in toilets was: “Simply light a match and those [...]
THE FOLLOWING IS a section from a topical cartoon on Ha! Humorous Arts. can you guess what’s happening? There’s one way to find out!
ARCHIVE. Amended from original in issue 4, May 1995.
YOU’RE WALKING DOWN a crowded street and to your horror, you notice the people looking at you and laughing. They’re pointing at your nether regions and when you look down, you notice that you are not wearing anything but a skimpy sleeveless vest.
For an unfortunate few this [...]
ARCHIVE. Amended from original in issue 1, September 1994.
IS CARTOONING VIEWED as a ‘folk art’ along with macramé, pottery and morris dancing?
As a cartoonist I am often asked, “Why don’t you bugger off?” This is usually from prospective clients.
One receives the impression that cartoons are expected to be free, or at least, cheap.
The rejection [...]
ARCHIVE. Amended from original in issue 1, September 1994.
WHY-OH-WHY do CD manufacturers gleefully design a container that automatically rips a lyric sheet to shreds wen you try to remove it?
WHY-OH-WHY do you find so much dog poo on the only path through a large field?
WHY-OH-WHY was Absolutely Fabulous such a success?
ARCHIVE. Amended from original in issue 1, September 1994.
WEDNESDAY 27th JULY was a hot and clammy day. It was the sort of weather that persuades acres of waxy flesh to emerge from their wollen winter retreats. The elderly had even undone the top buttons of their thick winter coats.
Watford was awash with young Marlon Brandos [...]
ARCHIVE. Amended from original in issue 1, September 1994.
ONLY THE OTHER day I was on my way to an important paper clip-bending meeting in London when I saw it.
“STOP! Bring all your dry cleaning here!” scrawled all over a dirty bit of cardboard in a sweet shop window.
Of course, I couldn’t pass up such a [...]
Are you as turned on as I am?
