Category: Issue 1

A Cartoonist Writes…

By simonelli on Sep 23, 2009 in Article, Authors, Ha! Archives, Ha! History, Humour, Issue 1, Simon Ellinas

ARCHIVE. Amended from original in issue 1, September 1994.
IS CARTOONING VIEWED as a ‘folk art’ along with macramé, pottery and morris dancing?
As a cartoonist I am often asked, “Why don’t you bugger off?” This is usually from prospective clients.
One receives the impression that cartoons are expected to be free, or at least, cheap.
The rejection [...]

Cod Zen

By Mark Kelly on Sep 22, 2009 in Authors, Ha! Archives, Ha! History, Humour, Issue 1, Mark Kelly, Short Story

ARCHIVE. Issue 1, September 1994.

THE MASTER OF Wisdom was well-known to the authorities as the foremost proponent of the twin techniques of thoughtlessness and mindlessness. Released into the community, he was often visited by an eager young student called Mu Ling who had inwardly digested a copy of Zen and the Art of Marketing and [...]

Why, oh Why?

By simonelli on Sep 22, 2009 in Authors, Detritus, Ha! Archives, Ha! History, Issue 1, Simon Ellinas, Why-oh-why?

ARCHIVE. Amended from original in issue 1, September 1994.
WHY-OH-WHY do CD manufacturers gleefully design a container that automatically rips a lyric sheet to shreds wen you try to remove it?
WHY-OH-WHY do you find so much dog poo on the only path through a large field?
WHY-OH-WHY was Absolutely Fabulous such a success?

Block of Ice found in Watford High Street

By simonelli on Sep 22, 2009 in Authors, Detritus, Ha! Archives, Ha! History, Humour, Issue 1, Simon Ellinas

ARCHIVE. Amended from original in issue 1, September 1994.
WEDNESDAY 27th JULY was a hot and clammy day. It was the sort of weather that persuades acres of waxy flesh to emerge from their wollen winter retreats. The elderly had even undone the top buttons of their thick winter coats.
Watford was awash with young Marlon Brandos [...]

Advertising Works!

By simonelli on Sep 22, 2009 in Authors, Detritus, Ha! Archives, Humour, Issue 1, Simon Ellinas

ARCHIVE. Amended from original in issue 1, September 1994.
ONLY THE OTHER day I was on my way to an important paper clip-bending meeting in London when I saw it.
“STOP! Bring all your dry cleaning here!” scrawled all over a dirty bit of cardboard in a sweet shop window.
Of course, I couldn’t pass up such a [...]

Video Nice-ies!

By simonelli on Sep 17, 2009 in Authors, Issue 1, Simon Ellinas

ARCHIVE. Amended from original in issue 1, September 1994.

A LOT OF PRESS coverage used to be given to the possible damaging effects that violent videos could have on unstable minds. They used to be called ‘Video Nasties’. ‘DVD Nasty’ doesn’t quite have the same ring about it, but the same principles apply.
The theory is that [...]